Witch offense?

“Everyone is offended by everything”

Is usually what people who are easily offended say.

The new adaptation of Roald Dahl’s ‘The Witches’ has started a bit of a twitter storm. The film, featuring actress Anne Hathaway portrays the evil witches with distinct physical features that were not part of the original. Many have raised concerns that the film could further the stigma around disability.   

#NotAWitch calls out ‘#TheWitches’ movie for portrayal of disability 👉

Originally tweeted by Paralympic Games (@Paralympics) on November 3, 2020.

In Dahl’s original novel, the witches have “square feet with no toes” and “claws instead of fingernails” and are depicted in the cover art as having five fingers. In the 1990 film the witches are also shown as having five fingers. For some reason they have used creative license to change that and upset a community of beautiful, resilient humans.

Warner Bros. has now issued a statement of regret as a studio spokesperson said, “We the filmmakers and Warner Bros. Pictures are deeply saddened to learn that our depiction of the fictional characters in The Witches could upset people with disabilities, and regret any offense caused. In adapting the original story, we worked with designers and artists to come up with a new interpretation of the cat-like claws that are described in the book,” the statement continued. “It was never the intention for viewers to feel that the fantastical, non-human creatures were meant to represent them. This film is about the power of kindness and friendship. It is our hope that families and children can enjoy the film and embrace this empowering, love-filled theme.”

As a person who was born with a “limb difference” I can honestly say that I personally am not “offended” about the depiction. I am sure that the majority in the #NotaWitch camp are not “offended”. Perhaps more annoyed by the non apology and lack of awareness at the potential impact of popular culture and its stigma perpetuating narratives on our children. Disability should not be a taboo. I remember the recent intolerant response to the BBC presenter who had one arm as ‘scaring children’. We should do better at educating our children to look for the similarities not the differences we all share.

Throughout history people with disabilities have been persecuted. The last literal witch hunt execution in Scotland was in 1722 The ‘Dornoch ‘witch’ who had a daughter with a deformed hand. Villagers said she ‘transformed her daughter into a pony which she rode to witches meetings and on Satan’s errands’. Some of the first victims of the holocaust were also disabled, and portrayed as a burden. We like to think we have moved forward as a civilised society but we have to recognise we all still have blind spots and biases for things that are out of our experience.

I say I’m not “offended” as a 40 year old man that has only just started wearing T-shirts in public after lifelong feelings of shame, guilt and a lack of self acceptance. I say this as a 40 year old man that used substances for many years to numb the feeling that i wasn’t enough and to ‘fit in’. I say this as a man who has fought, often literally to not feel like or be seen as a victim.

I do not speak however, for the young kids that get bullied at school because they are ‘different’ or for the young boy that has to go swimming for the first time worried about how he looks. I do not speak for a “disabled community” or anyone other than myself, and perhaps the younger me. The younger me that had no positive limb different role models in his life. To him i would say… ‘You are more capable and resilient than you know. ‘

When Janet Home (The Dornoch ‘witch) arrived at the execution spot, after being tarred and feathered, she is said to have warmed her hands at the fire prepared for her burning, saying ‘Eh, what a bonnie blaze’.

I love the stoic mantra of ‘Amor Fati’ which loosely translates as love your fate. Seize it, own it, and live your life with confidence that you are enough. Limb difference is not scary, and neither are we victims. There are so many positive role models now we can follow through social media, so many inspiring stories of hope, resilience and overcoming adversity. Whatever hollywood does or doesn’t do, just be kind to each other and yourselves.

Recovery what?

September is celebrated as Recovery month in towns and cities worldwide. It is a visible celebration of recovery from addictive behaviours, where people from various pathways connect, share stories, sing, dance and typically walk through their towns and cities in a show of solidarity. The recovery movement hopes to challenge stigma and act as a beacon of hope and inspiration for our communities, showing that we can and do recover.

This year however it comes around amidst a backdrop of record numbers of drug related deaths, rising suicide rates among almost every demographic and increased social isolation due to the pandemic, which will undoubtedly result in a surge of additional mental health and substance use issues. It is more important than ever to shine some light on a subject that is not a particularly endearing societal problem, despite so many families and communities being affected. There is an enduring stigma that pervades addiction and prevents people talking honestly and openly.

A quick bit about my early experience

I am a person in long term recovery from substance use and mental health issues and now a self employed recovery coach and consultant for a couple of peer led recovery services in the UK. Having worked for almost a decade within both NHS and charity services I want to share my experience as a person seeking recovery, working in treatment, and why i think that recovery coaching may be the answer to some of the issues we face.

The first time I ever sought ‘treatment’ was for my opiate habit and I was aged 18. I’d already dropped out of my A’ level studies after too much house partying in the late 90s, and my substance use had escalated onto harder drugs looking for some kind of escape from myself and my environment. I’d never heard of the concept of recovery then. I was living in a small market town in Lincolnshire, my mum was an addict, her bloke was a dealer and hope was something other people had. It was trainspotting without any of the nuanced relationship dynamics or scenic tourism. It was dawn raids, ODs in the kitchen and methadone not milk in the fridge. Shoplifters half price offerings and a who’s robbing who of giro junkies. I took my feelings of shame to the local surgery, broke down in tears to my GP and begged for some relief.

The well meaning but Ill equipped GP gave me some DFs and a few diazepam for which I was grateful (bless him) it was free drugs after all. The intention was there though, in that moment of clarity between giro days I imagined a life free from withdrawal, anxiety and depression, I was going to do it. Well, I did 3 long days on my grandma’s sofa pretending I had the flu before I necked the rest of the yellow tablets and clucked off to score again. I didn’t re-engage meaningfully with treatment again until I was 21 and left town with a methadone script and my first ever period of (MAT) recovery, and all manner of cross addictions (but that’s another story).

What’s new?

These first interactions of mine over 20 years ago with services raise some important points for me to reflect on today as a person in long term recovery.

Firstly a few questions, Can we honestly say that GP’s and front line services across the UK have the resources and knowledge necessary to provide more proactive interventions over 20 years later? Are traditional treatment services appealing and accessible for those new to them? Are waiting lists for accessing ‘treatment’ still in the future with very little in the present to support people during those brief moments of clarity? The best time to initiate change is when a person feels ready, that feeling is fleeting. Are aftercare services post treatment fit for purpose to maintain long term sobriety? I must say that I do see areas of good practice in some places in the UK with thriving well connected recovery communities, but i’m speaking here in general terms of the treatment system.

Secondly, what would it have looked like if I had access to an experienced guide who could advise me of different pathways and connect me to others in recovery, as well as wider community resources. Someone who could share their story of hope and recovery as well as ask tough questions from a place of experience and understanding?

My belief is that Recovery Coaching should be at the heart of every recovery support service and community. So, what is Recovery Coaching?

It is a form of strength-based, person centred support for people in or seeking recovery, and even their family members. It is similar to life or business coaching in that it is a type of partnership where the person seeking recovery self-directs their plan while the coach provides support, guidance and options. Recovery Coaching focuses on achieving goals important to the individual, without stigma, dogma or an agenda. They help people access recovery and the systems needed to support it and add to an individual’s recovery capital. They are not counsellors or therapists and as such are future focussed and goal oriented. They do not diagnose or treat substance use or any mental health issues, but can absolutely help with signposting to professional services that can, as well as offer an unparalleled level of understanding.

Peer based Recovery support

There are a myriad of different names for volunteer roles in the U.K, from mentor to recovery champion and others in between. These are primarily volunteer roles, and typically taken up by those still in treatment or at an early stage of their recovery. I am in no way dismissing these roles, they play a crucial part, and it is in these roles that I also gave back and volunteered at the start of my own journey. Nor am I speaking of the specific roles of a sponsor which again is a great part of a wider community approach.

There are however some distinct differences between existing unpaid roles of ‘peer support’ or ‘recovery champions’ and that of an experienced recovery coach. Not least a period of stable recovery, but also robust ongoing training and guidelines that incorporate values and ethics. The dynamic of the roles is also largely different, and an understanding of these differences can help ensure each role is maximised to its full potential in order to support existing treatment and public services. Support and development of these roles is critical to building a thriving recovery community.

There has been some great work across the pond by our American friends on peer based recovery support services, and their view is largely that we are very much behind the curve. “The history and future of peer-based addiction recovery support services,

There are areas of the U.K that have embraced similar models of peer based recovery support services, including rehabs and community organisations, and some great work has been done broadly by FAVOR UK on this as well as regionally by Red Rose Recovery. While this has been a great step in providing opportunities for employment and resources for people, we also need to be mindful to maintain the fidelity of the Coaching lane so these roles do not become appropriated into clinical, or “go-fer” type roles. Many treatment services over reliance on volunteers has reached new levels, sometimes in a way i have seen to be detrimental to their personal recovery. Whilst giving back is undoubtedly an important part of wellbeing and recovery it must be meaningful, and feature appropriate support and guidance. Once trained our experience and expertise provide us invaluable insight and become our tools to help others. There must also therefore be a pathway for volunteers through meaningful volunteer roles to employment when appropriate.

I am grateful to be working with a very proactive CIC in Grimsby that supports recovery through art and mutual aid. They recognise the importance of bringing some of these concepts to their recovery community to help it become a thriving space for people to get well and re-engage with the wider community. I will be initially delivering 8 sessions of recovery coaching based on the great work of many giants before me including William White, McShin Foundation, CCAR and Favor UK to name but a few, as well as including elements from my own experience and coaching practice. This will form a wider bit of co-produced work from which we aim to establish a number of local coaches and implement systems to support the local community.

When i attended my first recovery walk in Birmingham UK in 2013 the theme was ‘make it happen’ and this is a mantra i have continued to aspire to on my own journey. Recovery is not only possible, it is inevitable when we reconnect with a community and find our purpose.

Hope + Opportunity + Purpose = Recovery 💜

I am also looking to connect with people across the UK who would like to influence their local community to make visible and sustained recovery the new normal.

Contact me; carlo@purplemagpiecoaching.co.uk

If you are in or around Grimsby get in touch.

Give yourself a hand

For most of my adult life (i’ve just turned 40) i have attempted to cover up my disability. I use the term disability loosely as its the easiest descriptive noun to use, as the only disability i’ve truly faced is the limits i have placed on myself. I mean i’ll never be a famous juggler but aside from that this label does NOT define me.

I was born with a congenital limb deformity, which in laymans terms means i have a spaz arm, that is pretty useless in many ways, although i could always still roll a decent spliff.

Anyway having spent a lot of time on personal development and reflecting over the last few years, and pushing myself through various fears and insecurities. I thought it would be a great time to write about the experience. That’s what these blog things are for isn’t it.? Hopefully someone can find some value in my ramblings, and if it shines a light for someone struggling then i would love to hear from you in the comments.

Denial

In covering up my disability i was inevitably denying a true part of myself and resisting reality for short term comfort, which was later to be the main reason i used substances. The drugs were never the problem and are only a symptom of something else that we don’t want to face. A survival mechanism that we come to rely upon.

I never covered up my arm out of shame or feeling less than (at least initially) My amazing grandparents did a fantastic job of raising me for my formative years and telling me i could do anything. The main reason was I just did not want to be treated ANY differently to other kids.

I rode a bike, did judo, played football with the best and got in fights with the rest. I could not bare the thought that i’d be treated differently, or allowed certain privileges. If i was going to be a success i’d do it on my own merit. I was stubborn and determined and worked hard to match up.

Somewhere along the line that changed, a subtle shift from courage to avoidance. What bothered me the most was the awkward looks, or the thought that i would have to explain myself. I started making up stories like ‘shark attack’ or ‘acid’ because it was more interesting, and made me feel good instead of awkward and disempowered. Then in my teens i started just hiding it altogether. Lots of times people would say “you hide it well” as if that was a badge of honour, but it became my reality. It was easier and reduced my uncomfortable feelings, at least in the short term.

The fear of fitting in is something we all face at some point of our lives, not wanting to be ostracised by the peer group is a very human thing. When i was 10 I moved to a new city and a new school where everyone had already made connections. My first day I attended in a bright purple shell suit which probably didn’t help me going unnoticed. I started fights to not be a victim, and was not bullied despite my difference. My survival armour seemed to serve me well, and i used humour to deflect.

I started to no longer wear t-shirts in summer and wore jackets instead. I dropped out of sports teams and found cigarettes and alcohol. I realised i’d get the attention i wasn’t getting at home from playing the school clown. My studies suffered as did my mental health as i drifted further away from my true self. Pleasure seeker and people pleaser. Fast forward through the club scene and ketamine, beyond the heroin years, and avoidance had become a default. A victim mentality and a prisoner of my own thoughts. I had self sabotaged my only ambition of going to uni, and school certainly didn’t prepare me for life beyond the gates (which i too frequently snuck out of). Drugs had become a comfort blanket that later became my identity. I was a champion drug user.

My 20s was mostly a blur with a few lucid moments and fleeting achievements. On my 30th birthday I wrote my third car off (intoxicated on diazepam this time). Id had many ‘rock bottoms’ but somehow this was the one. A little magpie sat on the grass as I sat upside down in my car and just stared at me, bemused. It’s strange to say but i think it was an omen. In that moment i just knew that everything was going to be ok. I lit a cigarette and laughed at myself and the absurdity of it all. I then found a couple of key-workers that helped me believe in myself and went above and beyond to get me into a detox facility not long after. I’ve since noticed magpies urging me on at key points in my life since. I guess we are always looking for patterns, or maybe there are things we just don’t understand. I prefer the latter.

Acceptance

5 ways to wellbeing.
Giving actually releases oxytocin (the feel good chemical)

Now coming up to my 10th year in recovery and in that time i have committed myself to personal growth. I have put in many thousands of volunteer hours, created a small recovery community organisation, peer mentored and sponsored others. I have been employed by various recovery organisations including my most recent role for an international charity as a national coordinator for England. I have pushed through many personal milestones including college and public speaking. i have ran half marathons and was due to run the London marathon this year as i turned 40. I do not say this to brag, and actually am pretty uncomfortable about tooting my own horn but i think it is important to take a moment to recognise and celebrate your achievements. The journey to self acceptance is not linear and is an ongoing practice.

One of my biggest barriers to growth has always been self acceptance and love. Anger had become a defence mechanism. Recognising thought patterns that have limited my authenticity and ability to engage with the world in any true and meaningful way has been my biggest lesson. Something we all undoubtedly struggle with to varying degrees. Many of us are given a shit hand in life, some of us more literally, others to a larger degree. The fact is arguing with reality seldom brings happiness. It is undoubtedly easier from a survival perspective in the short term to avoid discomfort, confrontation or stepping into the great unknown. Our brains are wired biologically for survival not for fulfilment. To look for problems not look for joy.

Many people have written about the fabled hero’s journey, from Carl Jung to James Joyce and more recently Joseph Campbell. All good stories have one, from star wars to toy story. The journey of a protagonist setting out on a journey of transformation, coming into contact with a mentor who guides them, facing all manner of challenges and temptations along the way to return victorious having grown through the unknown.

My time of fighting dragons is over as i approach the final stage of my life cycle and reflect on what i’ve learned. An early mid life crisis perhaps, or one of Jung’s stages of life. I ponder what my legacy will be, and what (if any) lessons I can pass on to those at an earlier stage of their journey and how i can be of service to the world. What kind of father I am to be and what guidance can I give to my 3 year old son in this emerging new reality of instant gratification and information overload. I didn’t have a dad in my life so one of my main motivations is to be the father i would have wanted. To strive to be the best version of myself in every moment and interaction with others. I cannot do that if i do not embrace my shortcomings or my vulnerabilities. How can i be truly authentic with others if i am not honest with myself?.

So this blog is the first step in me accepting the current reality of recent redundancy from a career i’ve given a lot of myself to, and embracing the unknown final stage in my life cycle. Perhaps the self actualisation part of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. So I am creating my own coaching program to support others, and embracing the uncertainty and potential joy of self employment and service. I want to lean further into my true authentic self, something i really should have done sooner, and I would love for you to come on the journey with me.

💜Be the hero in your journey and LOVE YOURSELF💜

Dithering dogma…!

As UK pubs reopened to a mixed response, after the last three months of isolation Brits still seemingly still have a thirst on and aren’t too fussed about distancing.

With news articles declaring consumption has risen during lock-down, and some early studies also looking at potential increases it may be a good time to reflect on our choices. It has undoubtedly been a difficult period, particularly for many of our dependent drinkers, and the lure of getting back out there ‘connecting with friends’ or ‘disconnecting from current reality’. I’ve noticed it both on my social media timelines with friends and family’s daytime drinking patterns, and at work with those i support. One of the biggest protective factors for many was connection, and we have long stressed the importance of this as part of the 5 ways to wellbeing. So as social isolation has grown, as seen in Dr Alexanders rat park experiments of the 70s addictive behaviour invariably escalates.

So what is out there now if i want to get help?

There is of course your local treatment provider commissioned by your local authority, who can put you in touch with all local community assets. A quick online search should find the current one, after initially stopping seeing people face to face many are now opening their doors again. I know many people that simply will not engage with these services due to barriers, either real or perceived varying from stigma to a previous bad experience. There are also mutual aid meetings such as 12 step fellowships like AA or NA that are avidly promoted by GP’s and other public services. Some barriers to engaging with these groups can be the perceived ‘GOD issue’, the ‘powerlessness talk’, the ‘drunkalogues’ or just the perceived monotony of perpetual meetings. Alternatively there is SMART; barriers to engagement – over reliance on confusing concepts or acronyms, lack of community, and ‘recovery know it all’s’. You will often hear the phrase within the recovery community “take what you like and leave the rest” and that is generally the way to go. Whatever you decide do it with an open mind and positive intention. There are some excellent parts that make up the whole and can act as helpful recovery capital to support your goals.

So what about the large majority of those over reliant on substances that find the barriers to engaging with treatment providers or mutual aid too much or too stigmatising?

Recent PHE figures [1][2] before the pandemic also showed disturbing trends of fewer alcohol dependent people engaging with treatment services. Over the last few years we have also seen record numbers of drug related deaths across the UK. It is clear something is not working for many, as services have also faced drastic cuts to their commissioned treatment budgets repeatedly in recent years. The sector is asked to do more with less, but at what cost?

Having worked in “recovery services” of various guises over the last 9 years, and as a person who had a serious substance misuse problem/substance use disorder/addict/person in recovery/recovered* (*delete as appropriate today) I now find myself walking away from the sector i was once passionate about, recently made redundant and disillusioned at current service provision across most of the UK. Having traveled a lot for work i have been fortunate to see some fantastic practice in some areas, however the very nature of commissioning has led to a postcode lottery and dramatic variance in recovery ‘choices’. One thing i have learned in my time working in the sector is that there is no one size fits all approach to recovery, and my view is that recovery should be self directed and defined by the individual. Complete abstinence can be seen as a barrier to entering treatment, and perpetuate the shame following a lapse/relapse. The term recovery itself has become somewhat of an abstract cliche, and people in early recovery are often paraded out to prove a service’s outcomes and to add value to the service’s ever dwindling pot of money, as cuts continue to bite, with very little ongoing support. Volunteers are now finding themselves increasingly on the front line.

“It is an historical fact that practically all groupings of men and women tend to become more dogmatic; their beliefs and practices harden and sometimes freeze. This is a natural and almost inevitable process…. But dogma also has its liabilities. Simply because we have convictions that work well for us, it becomes very easy to assume that we have all the truth….This isn’t good dogma; it’s very bad dogma. It could be especially destructive for us of AA to indulge in this sort of thing”. ( Bill Wilson, 1965/1988, p. 333)

Disclaimer, as i know there is an almost tribal response to perceived criticism of ones ‘recovery pathway’ so I will say, i have spent time with various recovery programmes and fellowships over the years, i have sponsored ‘addicts’, chaired and facilitated meetings and repeated many of the dogmatic well rehearsed mantras. I have also bitten my tongue on a number of occasions in order to be diplomatic and not rock the recovery boat, however in my view services and commissioners should and can do better. The statistics are quite clearly showing that the existing model(s) are not working for many.

Dogma has had a stranglehold on treatment for people who use substances since treatment was conceived for ‘treating’ the feckless, right through the temperance movement and into the dominant philosophy of recent times being the 12 step approach, and abstinence being the “only way”. This is manifest still today in funding streams and also in rehabs, as well as local service providers.

As such it is good to see the rise of the moderation/ mindful drinking movement with Club soda putting on mindful drinking festivals (pre corona) and engaging people from across the spectrum, and hopefully more will follow suit and consider new models and ways to build community and a society that does not need to rely on substances or treatment in the way we currently do. Invariably we use substances for Fear or fun, both are short term rewards, but extremely gratifying. Our reliance on substances as an emotional crutch means may of us are floating through life like a carrier bag in the wind. The way out of my addiction was finding a purpose i was passionate about. I will be eternally grateful to my mentors that gave me the opportunity to make it happen, and will continue to support others in defining their own recovery goals without judgement or dogma.

Giving back is an important turning point in many peoples recovery journey (After mentoring i created a small community group to support individuals in my own community with the limited knowledge and resources we had at the time) however the biggest factor in me sustaining my own recovery was challenging my own limiting beliefs and feeling empowered enough to pursue my own personal growth, until then I was just ‘white knuckling it’ and going through the motions.

Change needn’t be difficult, only resistance to it is (to paraphrase the Buddha). Find something or someone that inspires you to be the best version of yourself and apply yourself wholeheartedly, you don’t need to have all the answers. There is no quick fix, and those that are pave a road to ruin. The future is yours. The future is now. 💜

Home working rules, right?

Millions of brits have got their wish and are now home working in the wake of this Corona virus pandemic. Online meetings have become the norm and contact with other humans is limited. Is there any way to manage this experience so it doesn’t feel quite so bizarre, and still maintain good mental health?

In the past whenever I explained my role as SMART Recovery National coordinator to friends who are front line recovery workers the reply is mostly the same, ‘must be nice to be out the office’…
I remember my days as a recovery worker, of excessive caseloads, data entry, risk management and trying to work out who used your milk out the communal fridge. (I’ll be honest that was usually me.)

My job role (pre lockdown) was primarily remote working, from home, coffee shops, libraries and other buildings with wifi, as well as travelling across the country to support our SMART partners. Sometimes I’m away for a few days at a time. A premier Inn deja vu experience with the same 2 veggie items on the menu and an overload of purple, interspersed only with visits to a treatment provider hub or a community centre. Of course now i am mostly confined to my kitchen table and online support and delivery like many of you, too close to the kettle.
I have done a CBA (cost /benefit analysis) on my job many times. I absolutely love what i do, and it certainly has some perks. It’s a relatively autonomous role and I get to travel the UK supporting recovery communities. The costs of that however are that it includes lots of lone working and staring at screens. I miss my family and friends at times when im away from home and it can affect my mood if i get complacent and don’t maintain my positive routines.

If you have heard about the rat park experiments of Dr Alexander, you will know that having a positive environment and connecting with others is essential in us maintaining long term recovery from our addictive behaviours. Now more than ever as we have been made to take a break from our usual routines and stay home, cutting out vital human connection we need to find new ways of managing our recovery and connecting. https://brucekalexander.com/articles-speeches/rat-park/148-addiction-the-view-from-rat-park

So how do we manage our thoughts and behaviours and keep good boundaries working from home? My working week typically involves unhealthy amounts of caffeine so I am in no way asserting i’m an expert here, but I’d like to share my experience and personal rules that have helped me, as someone in long term recovery.

Lifestyle balance is one area we need to be very conscious of. Are you taking breaks, are you working late frequently? A lifestyle balance pie can give us a good insight into areas we need to pay more attention to. I recently updated mine and found that i need to put more focus on fun activities or hobbies. Complete your own worksheet here – https://www.smartrecovery.org/smart-recovery-toolbox/lifestyle-balance-pie/

Check in with yourself regularly – It is very easy to slip into an unhealthy thought pattern and for us to allow it to affect our mood unconsciously. Observing our thoughts is a key part of the SMART Recovery programme, and where necessary disputing them. (DIBS – Disputing irrational beliefs). https://www.smartrecovery.org/how-to-dispute-difficult-thoughts/

Sometimes we work late and other times we get behind, we are all fallible, however this can increase our levels of anxiety as the typical structural norms of office closing do not apply to home working. There is no boss telling you not to work too late, or to stop scrolling social media, or to stop you having that extra coffee break. Of course, we don’t need a boss to tell us what to do. Right?  Absolutely nobody wants to be micromanaged, but it’s my experience that we do need to maintain some clear boundaries in order for us to be as effective in our roles, but also more importantly maintaining our wellbeing and recovery.

Here are a few things I do that help me:

1 – Triggers : Whatever your substance of choice or behaviour, always be mindful of your potential triggers and make a plan for managing them before they happen. Like a fire escape plan, it may not happen but if it does you know where to go and what to do.
(I do not have alcohol in the house, but also on reflection maybe I should get rid of my cafetiere) Remember HALT the BADS. Are you hungry, angry, lonely or tired? https://smartrecovery.ie/smart-recovery-tools/

We use the hula hoop metaphor for boundaries and being rational about what we can control. In the hoop = I can control. Outside =I cannot control +acceptance

2 – Work Boundaries : Keep to your contracted hours…!!!
When you live and work in the same space, time can feel somewhat immaterial and boundaries can become blurred. Be mindful of sending those emails in the evening, or working all day through your lunch and breaks. Ignoring boundaries is a surefire path to burnout. That presentation can wait until tomorrow. Ask yourself ‘is what i am doing part of my established job role?’ Personal boundaries : If you live with someone, be clear that working from home means ‘working’. Consider any other possible distractions. Procrastination can creep in for me and before i know it im hoovering my living room. Some level of flexibility is of course needed but be aware of your behaviours. What are your personal values? Are your behaviours aligned with those?

In SMART we use the 3 questions exercise. (i) What do i want? (ii) What am i doing to achieve that? (iii) How do i feel about what i’m doing? By bringing focus to the link between our feelings and behaviours it can help keep us motivated. Also ask; What could I be doing differently? How would that make me feel?

3 – Have a plan : Some days I will definitely wing it. Some days require more patience and acceptance. Either way clear structure is really helpful to keep you focussed. Block out your calendar with space for particular projects. Each morning I write down a list of 3 key tasks to be completed, including how i’m going to achieve that and who i need to speak to. This is a bit like a change plan worksheet and lists key tasks to keep me focussed. Of course general duties can sometimes dictate how the day goes and you may have to readjust accordingly. As with any SMART goals achieving them can help keep you motivated so keep them achievable.

4- Establishing positive habits : Without meaning to oversimplify it, maintaining long term recovery is largely about replacing bad habits with good. One of the most helpful bits of advice ive ever received in my recovery is to establish a positive morning routine. ‘Carpe dium’ (seize the day). Our whole day is filtered through that early experience. Rather than muttering about not wanting to get up, snoozing the alarm and chain smoking or drinking coffee as soon as i wake which invariably sets me off on a negative arc for the day, i have made a more concerted effort to focus on the small details of my morning and through repetition it has become normal, (well mostly, i am also fallible and can get complacent)

(i) Start early and create positive triggers. A short cold shower helps get my blood flowing. A morning meditation (even for 10 minutes) helps me calm the chatter in my mind and prepares me for whatever the day is likely to bring. Practice, persistence and patience are key. There are some great apps out there to help you get started such as headspace or calm.
(ii) I don’t look at social media or the news until after I’m at my workstation. Our phones are probably the first thing we pick up when we wake. (iii) Water before caffeine

4- Create your own PIE : (Psychologically informed environment). Make the place you work comfortable practically for those long hours slouched over a computer, but also taking into account your emotional wellbeing. Make sure you get plenty of sunlight. Put some quiet music on if that works for you. Get a plant. Put some positive affirmations up. Make it a place you do not resent being, and try limit potential distractions.

6 – Practice The 5 ways to wellbeing.
Being active (go for a short walk every day. It’s important to keep moving) changing environment can change your emotional state, and we need the sunshine.
Take notice ( inwardly of any physical sensations in your body inc breathing, your emotions. Outwardly notice nature, the sun, the animals at the bottom of your garden. Connect – Reach out to friends and family where possible. Attend online recovery meetings. Make a decision to do this daily. Keep learning – When completing your lifestyle balance pie do you have a slice of learning? Are you focusing on your personal growth? In whatever small way you can. Even if its learning a new hobby. There are many great online resources out there. Give Back – For me this is one of the most important parts of my recovery. from my time in early recovery as a peer mentor, to the charity work i do now. Giving your time in the service of others is an empowering experience.

Stay safe out there all you recovery warriors. social distancing does not mean social isolation. Reach out and connect but keep your boundaries. It may only be an online meeting, but without being dramatic about it that could be the difference between life and death. 💜💜💜

Carl Zuccaro – UK SMART Recovery National Coordinator England


Link to SMART Recovery tools and resources ;

https://smartrecovery.org.uk/online-meetings/

https://smartrecovery.org.uk/product-category/books/

https://smartrecovery.org.uk/about-our-training/

https://www.smartrecovery.org/smart-recovery-toolbox/

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/improve-mental-wellbeing/

Own your story

Life is very short and anxious for those who forget the past, neglect the present and fear the future

-Seneca–

~MementoMori #AmorFati

This is a blog for posterity, about my personal journey through council estates and reprobates, addiction and living with a physical disability, followed as ever by the haunting spectre of anxiety and fear.

Im well aware i’m joining the majority of 30 somethings blogging about their dull lives for nobody to read, but I guess i’m doing this partly as I value the stoic strategy of journalling and find it somewhat cathartic, but also in the hope that it can perhaps be a flicker of light to someone going through their own period of darkness. We can and do recover.

I write this having just completed my third 10k road race in Grimsby. The only time I remember doing cross country at school, we used to dick off to smoke in ‘the pheaso’, so running has never been a friend, unless you count running from my responsibilities, kinda made acquaintance with that for a while.

10k

This race was also a personal milestone for me, in that it was the first time ive ran in public in a tshirt since being an adult.  I have suffered from depression for many years relating to body issues from my congenitive limb defect, and become very obsessive about covering up my imperfections. This year has been a bit of a transformative one in many ways as i also adjust to being a dad and balancing a difficult workload, while working on myself. Really appreciate everyones support and motivation.

 

As a person in long term recovery part of my personal programme focuses on goal setting, so in order to push myself out of my comfort zone this year I have signed up to run the London marathon in 2020, and have been humbled to be given the opportunity to be raising some money for a charity that is close to my heart.

(justgiving link)

Practising acceptance among other stoic and CBT based strategies have been central to my recovery journey and addressing my own thought patterns and behaviours. Ultimately we have a choice to face our fears and try to be the best version of ourselves given the circumstances within our control.

#uksmartrecovery Has been also been present throughout my journey into recovery, from facilitating meetings as a volunteer with a local service provider to delivering the programme as an employed staff member in the NHS, to now being employed full time as UK SMART Recovery National coordinator for England.

I was probably considered a lost cause, disenfranchised from society and unable to talk about my issues, perpetuated by the shame and stigma around addiction, mental health, and the taboo of disability, part of my healing process after a successful spell in detox has been embracing acceptance and facing life on lifes terms, as the cliche goes.

Having worked in the sector for a number of years i am as ever encouraged by my amazing peers that are supporting recovery communities across the uk in increasingly difficult conditions, amidst record numbers of drug related deaths and government austerity measures.

I would encourage anyone looking to regain some control over their addictive behaviours to use mutual aid as part of their recovery capital. There are many pathways to recovery, but acceptance is required in all. We can and do recover.

The obstacle is the path – Old zen proverb

UK SMART Recovery

Narcotics Anon

Act peer recovery

Thank you for reading. All is love. 🙂

Facebook Detox

[Insert New Year, New Start cliche]

Let me start off with saying i have never set any firm new years resolutions beyond a half-hearted mono-toned mumbling to the cat as the fireworks fizzled out. I do however try to make every day an opportunity to practice small, positive changes towards personal growth, so this decision has just been the next in a series of life choices i have been mindfully reflecting on. I got rid of my TV almost a year ago as i started to be more conscious about how i was spending my time, and my procrastination gremlin had also resurfaced, so amid the white noise of Brexit i felt it was the right time to get rid of that particular negative distraction.

So as a person in recovery from addictions myself, recent articles highlighting similarities between (dopamine) releases and triggers from social media to those of  ‘traditional substances’ like cocaine really made me think about my own use of social media.  [source] [source] [source]

What once seemed a benign and practical way to keep in touch with family and friends, and occasionally sharing funny pictures, has for me, at the very best become a haven for procrastination, my thumb aimlessly scrolling for what must have been some miles daily during any free time. At worst, i had noticed my mood changing depending on certain interactions with social media, and in real life i was often distracted, sometimes even having a flutter of panic if i had left my phone somewhere i could not check it.

What struck home for me particularly as somebody who often bemoans the fact that i don’t have enough time, was a recent report that stated; “as of 2017, daily social media usage of global internet users amounted to 135 minutes per day” [source] I could not believe it. That is almost a part time job.

So what that i waste time on social media, it is hardly an addiction really is it?

 

‘Addiction’ is often characterised as a compulsive behaviour, that in turn has a negative impact on an individuals life. So while i am not shoplifting to pay for my WiFi, or holding people hostage for likes, i have noticed some addictive behaviours creeping in and have made the conscious decision to be more present in my daily life, and limit my use of social media.

“Desires for media may be comparatively harder to resist because of their high availability and also because it feels like it does not ‘cost much’ to engage in these activities, even though one wants to resist.” [source]

So with the knowledge that social media and apps are created specifically to be addictively engaging [source] it is of course on us individually to challenge our compulsive urges of instant gratification and where appropriate use coping strategies. Be mindful of how you are interacting with the world around you and do some honest reflection. Are your current behaviours truly benefiting you and those around you?

Everyone whom i told about my decision to take a break from Facebook made a very similar and somewhat disconcerting face, a mix of shock, and that suspicious face you make when you think someone has farted in a lift.  Their reaction was oddly reminiscent to that of some of my drug using acquaintances when i first told them i was going into rehab.

What that means for me is simply deleting the apps from my phone, nothing more. I am not putting any pressure on myself to delete my accounts, or making any commitment to anyone other than myself. I am taking things ‘one day at a time’. Also just to note i did not do the dramatic ‘i am leaving facebook post’ that you often see before a person typically returns the following day. This is not about others. This is a personal choice.

I am 10 days in, i feel less anxious in general and have read 2 books i have been putting off, including rereading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, which is a great book if you have not read it yet, and started a blog which has been on my to do list for an age. I have also taken more time out to practice mindfulness and CBT techniques which have really helped me calm my overactive brain chatter.

If you are struggling with any type of addictive behaviour, remember you are not alone and there are services and resources that can help.

 

If you want to take the leap, here is a great little TED talk about quitting social media  –

 

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog

Carlo Zuccaro